Question:
Atheist Answer
Assuming your wife isn't very religious, I think I know why she's upset.
Since you're against theism, of course you wouldn't attend a church service if the only point was to worship, pray and donate. And you probably wouldn't go to christenings, first communions or confirmations either since the purpose of each is explicitly religious. But religion isn't why people attend other people's weddings and funerals.
They go to weddings to support and congratulate the newlyweds as they make a public commitment to each other. In front of their friends and families, never mind "in the sight of God". And they go to funerals to support the bereaved, or if they are the bereaved to get some emotional closure on their relationships with the deceased. In both cases, the gathering of friends and family is what makes it important. In either case, God and religion are the least important things.
By not coming to a friend's wedding, you're saying to them (regardless of what you intend) that your antitheism outweighs their friendship. They and your wife wouldn't be upset because you don't share the religion, they'd be upset because you're not there. Same with funerals. People you know would miss your support when they're grieving. Maybe you wouldn't be doing yourself a favour psychologically by missing a last chance to say goodbye to whoever's died.
I know it's painful, but at times like these you really need to think of others. Otherwise you come off looking incredibly self-centred. Sorry, buddy.
Just go in there, concentrate on the people you're there for and don't join in the prayers. Then go right back out and carry on doing whatever it is you do to combat theism. With a bit of progress, perhaps fewer of the weddings and funerals you attend will be held in churches or with priests.
- SmartLX
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Fri, 2008-05-30 23:03
Slightly related but I went to my niece's Year 6 "graduation" ceremony. It was to "celebrate" her moving from primary to high school. It was in a church and was nothing more than a drawn-out religious ceremony, about how they're moving onto bigger things with Jesus in their hearts and the holy spirit and a bunch of other nonsense. It was INCREDIBLY painful to sit through an hour and a half of, but I did it anyway because I love my niece. Had I known what it was going to be I probably still would have because my niece is important to me.
That's not to say, though, that I didn't complain about the grossly over religious nature of it all, and my sister (niece's mother) didn't look too pleased about it either. I don't think she was expecting the graduation to be nothing more than a mass. Thankfully I don't think niece was entirely impressed with the religiousness of it all. She's not an atheist yet but I'm slowly working on it (don't want her mother to find out! )
The point is as SmartLX said - these things are painful and sometimes offensive to us anti-theists (and sometimes to atheists) but we do them anyway for the people we love. We be there for them, and just block out the hour and a half of God-bothering.
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